


Say You Won't Let Go

by Ishxallxgood



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Episode 12 'fight', M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9551060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishxallxgood/pseuds/Ishxallxgood
Summary: Takes place during their fight in episode 12.“Tell me that you love me,” Viktor pleaded, his voice cracking, as the emotions surged within him, “we’ve come so far my dear, look how we’ve grown… and I want to stay with you…” The tears slipped out again, “I want to stay with you until we’re grey and old… just say you won’t let go.”Songfic done toSay You Won't Let Go - James Arthur





	

Viktor released Yuuri’s shoulders and stalked off to the other side of the room, the tears still falling freely from his eyes.  Yuuri had gone silent, fidgeting with his hands as he avoided looking over at Viktor.

 

“Yuuri…” Viktor attempted, fighting back the emotions tumbling inside of him.  “I met you while I was in the dark, you lit me up and made me feel as though I was enough…”

 

“Viktor?” Yuuri questioned, looking up from his hands.

 

Viktor wiped at his tears and took a seat next to Yuuri, taking his right hand into his own.  “We danced the night away,” he said with a dry laugh, “We drank too much, and I held your hair back when you were throwing up.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes shifted from Viktor’s face down to the hand Viktor held within his.  “I don’t remember any of that.” Yuuri replied softly.

 

Offering him a sad smile, Viktor caressed the back of Yuuri’s hand.  “Then you smiled over your shoulder,” He continued wistfully, “and for a minute I was stone-cold sober. I pulled you closer to my chest,” he said, pulling Yuuri against him, demonstrating his words.  “And you asked me to stay over…”

 

Yuuri felt his face flush as Viktor rested his chin on his head, his face pressed against Viktor’s bare chest.  Yuuri wished he could remember that night, the things he did, the things he said.  He couldn't believe any of it, even though there was a trail of photographs documenting the better half of the night.

 

“I said, ‘ _ I already told you, I think that you should get some rest _ .’” Viktor said into Yuuri’s hair, the tears threatening to come again.  “I knew I loved you then, even though I barely knew you, but you’d never know, because I played it cool.”

 

It was Yuuri’s turn to let out a dry laugh, “you played it  _ so _ cool.” He mumbled sardonically. “Nothing says “ _ I played it cool _ ’ like flashing someone with full frontal nudity.”

 

“Hey, now, I could have taken advantage of you that night… I knew I needed you… but instead I let you go.”  Viktor’s arms tightened around Yuuri as he sucked in a breath.  “Don’t say you want this to end, because I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old.  Please say you won’t let go.”

 

“Viktor…” Yuuri said as calmly as he could, the erratic beating of Viktor’s heart unsettling him as he tried to collect his own thoughts.  He didn’t mean it that way when he said he wanted to end things, he would have given anything to continue on this way, anything except never seeing Viktor skate again.  Yuuri wrapped his arms around Viktor as he fought the tears stinging his own eyes.

 

“I want to wake you up with some breakfast in bed, I’d bring you coffee with a kiss on your head… and I’ll take the kids to school, wave them goodbye and thank my lucky stars for that night…”

 

“Wait what?” Yuuri asked, pulling back from Viktor a little, so he could look up at his face. “What are you talking about?”

 

Viktor smiled softly down at him, a far away look in his eye.  “It’s my dream Yuuri,” he said with a sigh, “that we'll grow old together… have kids… please… please say you won’t let go.”

 

The desperation in Viktor’s voice broke Yuuri’s heart, and he dropped his gaze again.  It hurt too much to see Viktor in such a state, but he needed Viktor to skate again, it was killing him to see him on the sidelines, even though he knew it was for him.

 

“Yuuri,” Viktor purred, a sadness coating Yuuri's name. Coming to a stand as he pulled Yuuri onto his feet.  “I want to dance with you right now…”

 

“Viktor…” Yuuri countered, not really giving much resistance to Viktor’s pull, despite his tone.

 

“My god you are so beautiful,” he whispered as they glided around the room, Viktor guiding him in a dance they both knew like the back of their hands.

 

Yuuri scoffed in response, which made Viktor startle for a second before resuming their dance.

 

“I swear that every day we’ll get better… you make me feel this way somehow.” Viktor said as he spun Yuuri in his arms before pulling him against himself again.  “I’m so in love with you right now, and I hope you know, darling, that your love is worth more than your weight in gold.”

 

Yuuri nodded solemnly into Viktor’s chest.   _ Gold _ . Viktor’s words from the night before resounded in his head, ‘ _ We’ll get married when he wins the gold medal… _ ’ He still wasn’t sure if Viktor had been serious or not, but the rings were still there, and Viktor was holding him so close, that he allowed himself to believe them, even after all he had just said.

 

“Yuuri?”

 

His eyes found their way back up to Viktor’s, the desperation on Viktor’s face cut him like a knife, “Viktor.”  He replied.

 

“Tell me that you love me,” Viktor pleaded, his voice cracking, as the emotions surged within him, “we’ve come so far my dear, look how we’ve grown… and I want to stay with you…” The tears slipped out again, “I want to stay with you until we’re grey and old… just say you won’t let go.”

 

Yuuri’s heart clenched within his chest, he wanted to, he wanted so badly to scream ‘ _I will never let you go!_ _I don't ever want this to end!’_ but the words got caught in his throat, and all he could do was drop his gaze again.  He could feel Viktor tense around him, and he swallowed hard, his voice betraying him.

 

“I want to live with you even when we’re ghosts… because you were there for me, when I needed you the most… don’t do this to me now.” Viktor cried, as he clung to Yuuri.  “I’m going to love you until my lungs give out… I promise you, it’s until death do we part.  I’ll declare it to the world, that it’s just you and me, so that everyone knows… so please Yuuri, please, just say you won’t let go.”

 

The tears burst from Yuuri’s eyes and he buried his face into Viktor’s chest, finding it difficult to breathe. “I’m so sorry Viktor,” he choked through sobs, “I… I love you so much it hurts, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in this life or the next… there are no words sufficient enough to express how deeply I love you… but I don’t know if I can say that… I… you…” Words escaped him again as he sobbed uncontrollably against Viktor, who for his part remained calm.

 

As much as Yuuri's refusal to reassure him stung, Yuuri sobbing uncontrollably against him cut him that much deeper. Viktor didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to feel. Yuuri's words confused him, he spoke of love, and yet he could not promise to stay. Viktor was confounded, all he knew was that he was not willing to let Yuuri go. 

 

Sure, he loved the ice, he had longed for the ice, and he had every intention of returning to the ice, but not if it meant Yuuri would be stepping off of it. Yuuri on the ice saved his soul, gave him purpose, inspired him to reach higher. Without Yuuri on the ice everything would be meaningless, the ice would just feel cold and empty, without Yuuri on the ice, he didn't know how to continue to exist.

 

“Yuuri…” Viktor breathed, his fingers threading through Yuuri's hair as he held his head against his chest. “Don’t leave me like this, just say you won't let go… please.”

 

Viktor was begging him, begging him to hold on to this thing they had, begging him to stay on the ice with him. Yuuri wanted to, this past year had shown him how much he truly does love the ice, how much he loved skating for Viktor, how much he loved that feeling at the end of every program when Viktor would stand there with his arms outstretched just waiting for Yuuri to fill that space. Yuuri didn't really want to give all that up, but Yuuri also didn't want to give up the Viktor he had loved for so many, many years. Perhaps Viktor was right, perhaps he was being selfish, perhaps he wasn't taking into consideration the fact that by giving up the ice, he would be killing a part of himself that he  _ knew _ Viktor loved too.

 

“I… I…” Yuuri stammered. He wanted to say that it was final, that he had meant it earlier when he said that he was retiring, but this revelation that he would be driving a knife into Viktor's heart if he reiterated those words stopped him. He loved Viktor far too much to bear seeing him in this state, he hadn't realized how deep Viktor's love of the Yuuri on ice was, he hadn't realized it stood on even ground with the Viktor on ice that he loved so passionately. What could he do? What could he say? Could the two coexist?

 

“Can we decide after the free skate?” Yuuri finally offered, buying himself a day, although his mind was already pretty much made up.  He could feel Viktor nod, as he tightened his embrace, still refusing to let him go.


End file.
